Walkin' on broken birds.

“I’m in love I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it! Babe, I’m gonna scan some Clorox Wipes. I stinken love me some Clorox Wipes.”

 

Registering for a wedding. Does it get any better than this?

 

After hours of hearing how “we need to register for fine china, don’t register for a camera because they’re all discontinued,” deciding that we are in DIRE NEED of a Soda Stream, and hearing the ever-so-clever argument from your man-child-fiance of why in the world he scanned 47 Tide-To-Go pens…..I was ready to start focusing on decorating our future home.

 

Precious.

 

The movie. I scanned the movie Precious. I like that movie.

 

I’ve never seen that movie. I should probably add that to my registry then….

 

Decorating, oh yes! Decorating. I’ve found that I like browns.

 

Maybe because I’m going to be a nurse, and we’re the only people who get excited about poop.

 

 

 

Also, I love birds.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I hate REAL LIVE birds. They are utterly terrifying. Every time I see one of those big crows picking at road kill along the highway I can see him look up at me and say, “YOU’RE NEXT.”

 

 

 

Fake birds. Décor birds. Those adorable love birds that are on canvas paintings, place mats, shelves.

 

Target has so many birds.

 

I just love those stinken birds.

 

I found the birds.

 

“I’m scanning this.” I picked up a beautiful white ceramic bird, already planning where I would put it on those wall shelves we just scanned in aisle 13. This will make a great shelf bird.

 

“Scan the other one too so we can have both,” my love crooned to my right.

 

Now, I was going to scan the other bird.

 

But everyone keeps telling me that I need to practice submission. The more that they mention it, the less submissive I become and the more I hear Destiny’s Child singing “All the women, who independent!” singing somewhere across Target’s majestic rows and SUDDENLY….I lose my desire to scan the other bird.

 

“I will scan the other bird if I want to scan the other bird,” I reply with a smile. He rolls his eyes. He knows me well. “And you’re lucky because I want to scan the other bird.” Not breaking eye contact, I single-handedly scan that precious fowl and sit it back down submissively/defiantly back on its Target-made perch…not carefully enough to where it was steady and lo and behold, the bird lost its desire to live and went crashing to the ground, exploding into fifty pieces.

 

:cue laughter of fiancé:

 

:also cue maniacal face of the manager who just happened to be standing a few yards away:

 

 

 

I don’t blush often, but I definitely did here. I gave up my will to scan and gave control back over to my loving man-friend who inevitably let it go and didn’t mention it again. NOT! Any bird he found after that he would hold it in my face and say, “Miss Kendra, why isn’t my daddy coming home tonight?”

 

I don’t like being humbled.

 

That’s exactly how it is, isn’t it?

 

The moment we get defiant, the moment we get humbled.

 

An attitude ain’t pretty. Getting humbled is even uglier. The JerBear was just trying to be nice, helpful even, but I wanted to be in control, because by golly I’m always right. Or maybe just not teachable?

 

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight.

 

Brings on a whole new meaning after humility sets in.

Drug-induced awesomeness.

Let’s talk talent.

 

I don’t have it.

 

Wit? Yes.

 

Brains? Only a minor amount.

 

Talent? Oh sweet Moses.

 

No.

 

Talking to someone about Pinterest reminded me of the bitterness I harbor for all of the talented people. This includes Facebook. You ruthless mother of pearls who post “I tripped today and made this scarf” or “I got bored today and made this glass-blown vase.” As I told that same sweet someone, I tried to ‘trip’ and make a chiffon flower for my wedding….FAIL. I now use it as a loofah!

 

 

 

 GUESS WHAT?!?! I GOT BORED TODAY AND ATE A WHOLE BAG OF CHEETOS!

 

Speaking of which.

 

I am ill. This constant change in weather/temperature/school closings is the worst for my asthma. I am a Walking Dead stunt double and during these times MOST people lose their appetite. “I can’t eat, I’m too sick….” I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT. The only Dr. I want to see is Pepper and the only thing I want to nurse me back to health is the half-pound Reese’s chocolate my mother gave me earlier. Which disappeared and left the wrapper. Weird.

 

I am fairly good about doing without soda. I am not boasting. FAIRLY GOOD. Sometimes I convince myself that if it’s half a can of Sprite it’s not really soda, it’s more like sugary water with bubbles….but when I’m sick, I throw caution to the wind and drink my weight’s worth in fountain pop from the gas station down the road. Seriously.

 

 

 

It’s so easy to convince myself that wrong is right when I’m at my weakest.

 

Oh no. It’s starting to settle in that I’m trying to make a life’s application to bronchitis and sinusitis. Why can’t she just tell a story without peeling back the core of my soul?

 

I am the daughter of Tammy McBee, who makes a spiritual application to the movie Blades of Glory, even when it’s very apparent that that is definitely NOT the goal.

 

So yeah, I have to do this.

 

Anyway, I am good at convincing myself that soda is definitely ok, even healthy, when I am ill.

 

I do that with my quality of character when I’m going through a tough time.

 

When I’m going through a trial or struggling with something, I become selfish. Maybe I’m not as patient with people, maybe not as caring and considerate to view the feelings of those around me, maybe I even convince myself that something that is terrible for me might just be a good thing that makes me feel better.

 

However, I feel like poop trying to exercise that mess off when my lungs clear up, just as I realize my mistakes all too late when I do come out of my trial and see the decisions I’ve made and the way I’ve treated people.

 

When I start to feel sick, I need to start mentally preparing myself for the binges. And with that mindset, I need to apply that to everything else. We’re either going through a struggle, coming out of a struggle, or about to go into a struggle. With that knowledge, we need to keep a mindset to not let the struggle destroy us.

 

You guys got this.

 

I just need to finish my Reese’s Puffs first.