I don’t poop in public places.
Oh, not the way you thought this was going to start off?
Hi. How are you? Are you having a good day? Anyway,
I don’t poop in public places.
Pooping is very human.
Pooping is natural.
I enjoy typing the word pooping. Why? Because in my latest
profession, this is a very important assessment tool. Pooping.
Pooping.
When I was young enough to understand the birds and the bees
and boys and girls and dating and smooching and what not, I understood that the
first impression is vital to a dude wanting his friends to meet his lady.
One of our dear friends from church had gone gaga over this
girl.
“I’m gonna marry her.”
Congratulations. Now stop making us think she might be a
fictional character and bring her to the McBee household.
The date was set, dinner was in the oven, and we all awaited
this lovely lady to grace our presence. I mean, we’d heard so much about her
that I thought Mother Theresa was going to walk in.
A few minutes into our chatting the doorbell rang and in
walked our friend accompanied by one of the prettiest, sweetest young ladies I
have ever met. She was fun, she was funny, she seemed comfortable around his us,
it was too good to be true.
Why is that you say? How dare I be a pessimist you say? JUST
YOU WAIT AND SEE I SAY.
“Could I use your restroom real quick? I’ll be right back.”
“WHY SURE! It’s over there to your right.”
That girl TORE THAT PLACE UP.
I don’t know what happened in there. Something close to
death, but there was no visual evidence of rotting flesh, just a nasal
explosion of what might have been tostadas, a dead raccoon, 82 maggots, and a
partridge in a tree made of feces.
Everyone tried to act like nothing happened, but you quickly
catch on to people talking through their noses and faces turning a soft shade
of indigo from trying to ignore the drive to inhale.
I’ll never forget that. They eventually married. Sweetest
thing in the world, but I think about it the nine or ten times I’ve seen her
since. It’s hard to forget. I probably look like an idiot, smiling like I have
an inside joke no one understands because in fact I do have an inside joke that
no one understands.
So, yeah, based on that day, I don’t poop in public places,
because I don’t want people to remember me by my waste products. By my garbage.
Because they will, given the chance.
Hmmmm…..I wonder how often I do that with my words? I have
many opportunities these days through cell phones, social media, just
socializing in general to only expose my garbage.
I could be the sweetest thing in the world, but people will
remember just that. The garbage. It could be years from now, but given the
opportunity, no matter how hard they try, people will inevitably turn back to
the stinkiest memory they have of me based on what I shared in public.
Just a thought for the day.
So….do something today that isn’t waste! We have a week and
a half to get some money going for the beard “To Shave or Not To Shave”
fundraiser…..so click the donate button, give and put in your vote knowing
every penny you put in that fund goes to something phenomenal and something
life-changing. Thanks guys! Share this if you want, and get the word out!
