Breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

"I know what I want....but it's not on here."

"Well, ma'am, if you tell me what you want, I'd be happy to get it for you."

"I'm just gonna have to tell you what it is that I want and you're going to have to tell me what meal it is on this menu."

"All righty then....."

"I want one piece of catfish, fried, an egg over medium, turnip greens, steak fries, and a pancake."

"Oka-"

"And bring me a biscuit and a corn muffin. Blackberry jelly."

"Sure thing."

"What meal is that?"

PROBABLY ONE FOR SOMEONE PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS!

"Well, ma'am, it's not exactly a meal, but if that's what you want to eat, I'll put it in for you."

"GOOD. Bring me a coke."

Ahhh....I love these people.....if you've waitressed, you know what I'm talking about. We have eight hundred million meals on our menus. Eight. Hundred. Million. Followed by 74 sides to choose from. In all of this delectable madness, some people make their own weird meal, and then complain when they get a $17 bill.

"You were supposed to help me out."

"I did the best that I could with what you ordered, ma'am. That's the cheapest way to ring it in, I assure you."

"Then take the pancake back."

OH. OK. SO WE NOW HAVE A RETURN POLICY ON THE PANCAKES. I wonder if you brought a pancake back within thirty days, as long as you have the syrup bottle, IF YOU WOULD GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

Mother of pearls.

There's a lot going on in my head during times like these. The whites of my knuckles are now showing. I am squeezing my pen so tightly than ink has exploded out and is running down my arm. Beads of sweat are streaming down my face and you can see that one vein popping out of my forehead in an attempt to control my rabid animal nature from coming out at this blessed creature before me.

Nope.

This is what I look like.

"Sure thing. Sorry for the inconvenience."

I want to be angry. I want to be mad. I want to ask what she expected when she threw out that order on her sweet Baptist waitress.

I really can't though.

She picked and chose what she thought she wanted out of the menu, but she didn't like the end result. The price she had to pay.

Ha.

I do that too.

I have a Bible.

It's a pretty awesome book.

When I say I'm a Christian, I take that Bible into my life as a whole.

But I treat it like a menu.

I pick what I want out of it, tell God I want it that way, and if I don't like the price I have to pay for those choices......something's a bit different in the end result.

I can't take it back.

Pondered that today in class.

Stings a little, but it holds a lot of truth.

When I say I'm a Christian, I take it all. The whole thing. Not just what I want out of the Bible. Not just the things that make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I've done that for a long time though.....might be a good time for a change.

Urine trouble...

“Kendra….just go!”

“I DON’T WANNA! EVERYONE’S WATCHING!”

“Don’t think about them. The sooner you go….the sooner we leave.”

Oh, really? You think I’m falling for that?

I was in and out of the hospital as a kid. Seriously. All the stinkin’ time. I knew that on Thursdays they had everything pizza with green peppers and that on Tuesday nights my favorite nurse Barb would come in with chocolates shaped like bells and give me a handful before clocking out for the night.

But this was new.

I was having some kidney issues, not that I even knew what the heck that meant at the time, but I was a wee chitlin and now in a big metallic-looking room being told to pee on a table.

Pee on a table.

Yes, because that’s natural for a child….to pee on a table.

And for the joy of humanity, let’s invite a group of med students in to observe and report!

So there I am….lying on a table, maybe six or seven years old, surrounded by some white-coated infidels (who I now know actually cared) waiting for me to do the simple act of urinating all over myself.

Can you believe I refused?

I am an ugly crier, always have been, and I can just see the med students writing in their clinical journals about me, “I was able to experience a procedure today with one pediatric patient who had the scariest scrunched up face I have ever seen, in my professional opinion…”

“I AIN’T GOIN’.”

I was not stubborn by any means.

Mom was there.

“Kendra, the sooner you go, the sooner I will get you McDonald’s.”

Well, the windows of heaven did open! Somehow I managed to find the inner bladder angel and destroy the table beneath me.

TMI? Suck it up, readers.

I was but a wee babe.

And shortly after, just as she had promised, after they got me showered up, I was sitting at a table with a Big Mac and fries.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I think about that moment a lot. I don’t have too many fond memories of the hospital, or the procedures I had done, but I do remember that one a lot and laugh. I laugh at how much it applies to my life now.

I pee on tables pretty often.

Haha!

No.

However, that procedure that day was to help me, it seemed terrible at the time, but it was definitely for my benefit. Only when I was given something that I wanted did I follow through with what was best for me.

See where I’m going here?

In my walk with Christ, He has me go through a lot of things, deal with a lot of situations, handle a lot of different people and circumstances, all for my benefit. He leads me in paths I normally would not walk through and areas in my life where I normally would not travel. When He presents me with these options, I refuse at first, thinking, What will you do for me if I do this for You?

What a sad way to build a relationship with Christ. Thinking that we lead a life in which He owes us something…how corrupt is that thought process?

If you do or don’t believe in God, or are not a follower of Christ, even though I would hope and pray that you would be one day, you can apply this to any relationship. We’re constantly looking to “get something out of” every circumstance in life.

How selfish.

How misinformed are we?

Every day, every moment that we wake up, is a new opportunity to live outside of ourselves. To live for others and to do things that make us uncomfortable, but will make us better in the future. We are not owed anything…and even though our debt has been paid, we ought to live our lives out of thankfulness and gratitude by the chances we’ve been given. My mom would've taken me to McDonald's either way, but how nice would it have been for the surprise of getting it after doing what I was told....instead of remembering twenty years later that I was too stubborn and demanded it instead?

Pee on that table, folks. Pee on that table. ;)