Matrimonial mischief.

If only people could hear…

“Kendra, are you in there?”

“OF COURSE I AM THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF US IN THE HOUSE WHO DO YOU THINK IS VACATING THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW???”

:silence:

…

…

…

“Are you sitting squatty potty style? ‘Cause I saw you watching that Facebook video!”

End scene.

“I think I could’ve done better on the smoked chicken…I was going to add a barbecue glaze to it  and-“

“NO. NO. NO. STOP EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING.”

“What?”

“You don’t put barbecue sauce on chicken EVER. That’s offensive. You need to have a more sensitive pallet. You always add something sweet and savory like mango salsa or—“

“Says the woman who covered her chicken in ketchup.”

“It’s the golden brick of all things condiment. Shut your male mouth.”

End scene.

I feel if people heard our “marriage banter” they may worry for the mental safety of both of us as individuals. But it’s entertaining at best.

“Dang it! I forgot my ring.”

“Oh wow….I remembered a certain “til death us do part” in the wedding vows that APPARENTLY is probably going to go out the window when some Home Depot chickie starts to hit on whom she THINKS is a single dude walking around with his homely sister.”

“Babe you don’t have your ring on either.”

“Yes I do.” :covers naked ring finger:

“Now you’re just covering it and saying you have it on when you don’t.”

“I do have it on, I’m just holding it tightly because I am so in love with the visualization of our marriage that it looks like I’m covering it up but I’m not so focus on the road and stop judging your sweet wife.”

Then we grab each other by the hand and drive in sweet silence as we quietly judge the other for not grabbing the single simple significant piece of wearable equipment in the house symbolizing our unity.

End scene.

I always forget my wedding ring.

In the mornings, I wake up, and drink a pot of coffee.

It’s a small pot, so hush up and just listen to me for heaven’s sake.

Then I stare at the sink. If there’s anything in the sink, I do not rinse it, I take my ring off and throw it in the spatula holder and proceed to throw everything in the sink into the dishwasher after I let the dogs lick the plates clean.

ARE YOU STILL WITH ME? Because I’m just kidding. That’s disgusting.

I don’t put my ring in a spatula holder.

Haha! Again just kidding. I don’t eat on the same plates as the dogs. I know where they’ve been. I know what else they lick.

And then! I walk away with pride in knowing that I have accomplished one single wifely duty for the day.

And I leave the ring.

E’ertime.

E’er.

Time.

I love my ring, I just have attention deficit disorder and can never REMEMBER IT.

My husband is a genius and bought me a silicone ring that can withstand dishwater and is great for putting on gloves during nurse time.

It was fantastic. 

Wore it for several days straight.

When I took it off though, the skin underneath the ring looked like hamburger meat.

Not my finest hour.

Gotta space it out now.

At the beginning of our marriage, this was a big topic of conversation. I didn’t understand why it was so important to my husband when I forgot my ring, when he was lucky enough that I remembered to put pants on before leaving the house.

“It’s not about the ring or the cost, it’s what it signifies. How are people going to know if you don’t show it? If there’s not something they can see, then to those who don’t know you, it’s like it doesn’t even exist.”

Wow. Great thought.

See where I’m going? 

Of course you do.

This is Not-So-Single, Nursing, and Jesus blog now.

There’s got to be some of the Jesus in there.

My ring means a lot to me. What it stands for means everything to me. But he was right, if there isn’t something that people can visually see, to them it’s like that marriage doesn’t exist, unless I tell them about it.

The same is true for knowing Christ. I think most of us who have been in church have heard some type of analogy of the wedding ring signifying marriage and other things signifying our relationship with Christ, but let’s just talk about what people see in us, on a day to day basis, whether they be friends, acquaintances, or absolute strangers. If they can’t see anything in us, it’s like it doesn’t even exist my friends.

We’re missing out on a great opportunity.

Don’t leave Jesus in the spatula holder. :)