Hallelujer.

Wow! Only one day and I've got half as many views as my last blog did altogether!

Luckily I don't have a narcissistic bone in my smoking hot body.

Speaking of which, I joined a gym. It was a terrible decision, as of right now, but I'm gonna be glad later. I already feel healthier. I asked for extra lettuce on my cheeseburger the other day, so yeah, baby steps.

Today I hopped on the elliptical. Now, I have asthma. Not normal asthma, horrible asthma. It's gotten better as I've gotten older, but I probably have the lung capacity of an eighty-year-old. As I'm, what I consider "going to town" on this elliptical, some five-foot hundred-pound runway model decides to hop on the elliptical next to me. I wonder to myself, silently of course, why this adorable little demon of Satan couldn't have chosen any of the other empty ones down the row, but instead decides to buddy up with the obese wheezer in the corner. I mean, really. So she starts ellipting (is that a word?) like it's a life or death situation. She lost two pounds within twenty seconds and I felt intimidated. I am not one to back down from a competition, so I joined her in like rhythm. I immediately regretted that decision. My wheezing was out of control by eight minutes. I tried to turn up the volume on the Law & Order I was watching to lessen the noise of my breathing, but since I was wearing headphones, it only drowned out the sound of my lungs begging for their life for ME, she just kept sideways looking at me like "What the crap is this girl's problem?" She had no headphones on, she was just there, running to the beat of her purebred heart. By 22 minutes I was soaked in sweat and inwardly deciding that if I'm going to start exercising, it will now be alone in that gym. Or with a friend....who doesn't judge me or look like a Barbie.

:cue Law & Order sound:

I divide my friends and acquaintances by two traits: My acquaintances are the ones who tell me things like, "I don't know why you're single!" and "Why have you not been snatched up yet?" and my real friends are the ones who see me go about my daily business and make comments like, "Kendra, I love you, but this is why you're single." Things such as zipping up my purple footie pajamas for a cold winter's night, or perhaps dropping a chicken nugget down my shirt, finding it, and still ingesting it. (I used the term chicken nugget, but I'm sure I meant an apple slice or a celery stick.) Speaking of food...

I love my job, and yet it's crazy, because I also don't. I think being around people is one of the greatest gifts life has, but it's also one of the greatest curses. One of the things that bother me the most in this world is when someone treats a nice person like a load of horse shnikeys for no reason. Children, I am a nice individual. I am not perfect, I am not always pleasant or precious, but I pride myself on remaining calm and friendly in a situation, even when I want to apply strong force to someone's face with a shovel. One day I might snap. I feel as if my Employee of the Year status has only burdened me. If I snapped before, it would be no big thing. "Uh-oh, another server went crazy and threw a guest in the fireplace," but now, NOW it gets intense. "The employee of the year went awol last night at the Crackhouse. The body count isn't complete yet, but I heard peg games were involved in their deaths." I pray more on the job than I do outside of the job, so Jesus is fairly familiar with our menu, of this I am sure. My prayers sound like the ramblings of a hungry meth addict, "Heavenly father, by the name of Uncle Herschel, corn and grits I am about to lose it up in this piece and I need your help. Grant me the Sunrise Sampler to accept the things I cannot change, Country Fried Steak to change the things I can, and the Blackberry Pancakes to know the difference."

He's put up with a lot from me, and yet He continues to answer my prayers. You can call it coincidence, that doesn't bother me, because I know the difference between coincidence and Someone showing His love...so it's all gravy.